There was a death in the family this week. One of the neighborhood Aunties lost her battle against pancreatic cancer. This family, is part of the extended family that has been very good friends of my family for many many years. I spent most of my childhood with the children of this family, and because of this family I am aware of my Filipino heritage.
When my parents met, they were both dietary aides in the hospital across the street from where I used to live. My mother befriended a Filipino woman, (whom I affectionally call “Tita Norie”) who also worked in the same department. Tita Norie, helped my mother learn about Filipino cooking and culture, and my mother and her have been best friends for over 30 years. My mother is the Godmother of her oldest son, and this Tita Norie was the woman who carried me home from the hospital when I was born. Naturally, when more of Tita Norie’s siblings emmigrated from the Philippines, she introduced them to my mother and in a cute way, my mother became like a hanai sister to all of the siblings. My mother has maintained friendly relationships with Tita Norie’s sisters, brothers, sisters-in-law, brothers-in-law, stepfather and Mother.
This is a tough time for Tita Norie and her ‘ohana. And I’m feeling out of sorts, because I have been so close to this family since childhood. My heart breaks when I see my dear “calabash” cousins post Facebook updates expressing their grief.
It reminds me of when my mother’s oldest sister, Aunt Dee Dee passed away. She was my Godmother, and the disciplinarian Aunt of the entire family. (Every family has one, either Auntie or Uncle who is the tough one.) I remember as children, my maternal cousins and I would go to great lengths to avoid her, because if we didn’t sit up straight, walk straight, fold your hands while waiting for food, not touch the cat, not touch the dog, not touch her stuff, don’t talk with our mouths full….. well, we would “get it.” In fact, so serious was Aunt DeeDee’s demeanor – all my mother had to say when I was naughty was : “I’m going to tell your Aunt DeeDee” .
When she died, I had strong feelings of guilt, for not taking the time to see her, and spend time with her when I was able to. In fact, the last time I saw her, she was bald from surgery- and she always had long salt-and-pepper hair. Her English was a bit off, I think she reverted back to pidgin- her first language and long gone was the thick Italian-American-Brooklyn accent coming from the mouth of a Hawaiian-Korean woman. She was nothing like I remembered, and it made me feel like bad. The last thing I said to her while she was alive was “Aunt DeeDee, no matter how big I get, I will always be scared of you.” And she laughed. Had she been in optimal health she probably would have said “That’s right!”
But really, now what? I’ve still yet recovered from the pain of losing my cousin George four years ago, I’m also in pain because we had to put down Neo, a rascal but loveable dog that was part of my family in Waianae. Sometimes the days seem to go slower, sometimes too fast. Life goes on, but sometimes it feels like life goes on, and somehow the greiving survivors have stopped.
I’m grateful that the ones who have left us are no longer suffering. I’m grateful for the memories and the legacy that they leave behind. I’m just really bothered by the loss of Tita Ely, even though I didn’t know her so well.
I hope that it comforts to know that there is a smile after every tear, sunshine after every rain, and a purpose to all things under heaven.
I think that the true meaning of Christmas isn’t completely about the birth of Christ, because in actuality Christ was born on a date that isn’t December 25. According to the Hebrew Calendar, he was born around the festival of Sukkot- a Jewish holiday that celebrates the concepts of faith and trust in G-d. I am not Jewish, and I am not eligible to be Jewish by traditional means, but I have many people in my life that became close to me that are Jewish. With that, I think that this holiday with the accurate date of Christ’s birth would be an excellent way to bridge any gaps that may exist between the Christian and Jewish communities.
